Thursday June 10th, 2010
Put your napkin on your lap - and other ways to ace the interview

Being a good dinner-party guest teaches you everything you need to know about being an A-list candidate.

(There are times when the 18th century got it right.)

It's inevitable.  If you're in the job market, sooner or later someone's going to ask you:  "So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?  10?"

Since the truth ("Well, if there's any justice, 10 years from now I'll be lying on a beach drinking mai-tais after having either won the lottery or sold my internet business for billions.  Until then, this job will be fine.") is unlikely to appeal to interviewers, it's important to have a creative answer pre-prepared.

Mine?

"My goal over the next 5-10 years is to continue to be a good dinner-party guest."

Dinner party guest vs job-seeker:
The required skills are virtually the same

Let's face it:  Having a required degree or experience only accounts for about 10% of successful job-hunting.  The remaining 90% is all about presentation, communication and good manners - the same skills required to be a good dinner party guest.

Here's how:

1. Knowing the sort of people who host dinner parties.
   In order to get invited to dinner parties, you have to know people who have dinner parties. Especially people who have dining rooms, decent china, and a wide circle of friends.  In the job-hunting world, knowing people who are smart and successful enough to know the difference between a butter knife and a fish fork translates into a valuable network.  And we all know how important networking is to finding a job.
   
   
   
2. Building relationships.
   It's not enough to know people who host dinner parties; they have to like you enough to invite you to their house for dinner.  In other words, building relationships with people is crucial to job-hunting success.
   
3. Knowing when to show up.
   A good dinner party guest never shows up awkwardly early or inconveniently late.  Similarly, the desirable candidate never arrives so early as to look desperate, nor so late as to create a bad impression.  (And good dinner party guests, like good candidates, always phone to alert the host of any unforeseen delays.)
   
4. Knowing when to leave.
   A good dinner party guest never outstays his/her welcome.  The attractive potential employee realizes when s/he has answered all the questions, says what s/he's come to say, and runs the risk of scuppering his chances by taking up any more of the interviewer's valuable time or blurting out something stupid. 
   
   A good rule of thumb for both dinner party guests and job-seekers:  It's always best to leave when everyone's still glad you came!
   
5. Knowing what to wear.
   A Mexican feast at Bob and Jane's?  Dark-wash jeans and a clean shirt are perfect.  A catered 7-course dinner at Estelle and Louis'?  Black tie, of course.  The welcome dinner party guest just wants to fit in, look good, and avoid causing any embarrassment to the host or other guests.  (It goes without saying that all his clothes are good quality, clean, and in good taste.)
   
   All of this holds true for the job-seeker as well:  Dress appropriately for the interview, and if in doubt, ask in advance.
   
6. Knowing when to say no.
   Even the best dinner party guest occasionally declines an invitation for one reason or another; so it is for job-seekers.  Sometimes, you'll be invited to a dinner - or job -that just isn't the right fit.  It's okay to acknowledge this and move on.
   
7. Knowing what to bring.
   Whether it's a six-pack of Mexican beer for Bob and Jane or a bottle of 15-year-old tawny port for Estelle and Louis, the good dinner party guest doesn't show up empty-handed.  Likewise, the A-list job-seeker also comes prepared with thoughtful answers, contact info for references, and having done some research on the organization for which s/he is interviewing.
   
8. Having good manners.
   Remember, 'good manners' aren't about following an arbitrary set of ridiculous rules.  Good manners are designed to help everyone feel comfortable and reduce distractions in social situations.
   
   At dinner parties, this may mean avoiding chewing with your mouth open; in interviews, this may mean turning off your phone.  Either way, it's less about knowing the difference between a butter knife and a fish fork, and more about making sure that the interaction is a positive one.
   
9. Knowing when to speak (and speaking intelligently on a wide range of topics).
   A good rule of thumb for both dinner parties and interviews:  If you can't think of anything intelligent to say, don't say anything at all.
   
   Not everything you say, at a dinner party or to a potential employer, has to be unremittingly positive.  In fact, some of the most desirable dinner party guests are the ones who can tantalize and scandalize with a well-placed morsel of malicious gossip.
   
   (As a job-seeker, however, 'malicious gossip' should be replaced with 'evidence of critical thinking'.) 
   
   In both cases, a touch of polymathism never goes amiss:  Demonstrating your knowledge of, and interest in, current events, pop culture, history, politics, literature and even sports is the best way to make someone think, "S/he's so interesting/smart/funny/up-to-date/connected - we've got to have him/her back!"
   
10. Knowing when to listen.
    As Dale Carnegie can tell you, the best way to make other people like you is to listen to them talk about themselves. 
    
    Dinner party guests who listen attentively to their host and fellow guests are guaranteed to get good post-party reviews; job-seekers who listen attentively to the interviewer - whether the interviewer is talking about the company or just about the bad day they've been having - are guaranteed to leave the interviewer with the kind of good impression that makes the difference between getting a callback or never hearing from them again.
    
11. Knowing when to use flattery and sincerity.
    Nobody likes a kiss-up; on the other hand, very few people want to hear the truth about themselves all the time.
    
    The good dinner party guest is free with compliments when it comes to the hostess and food, but stops short of ingratiation and doesn't attempt to make every other guest his/her new best friend.
    
    Similarly, interviewers appreciate (and expect) enthusiastic statements about the job and the company, but don't respond well to blatant insincerity:  The guy who says that he's wanted to work for Acme Inc. since he was 5 years old, even though Acme has only been in business for 10 years, just looks like (a) a guy who'll say anything to get a job, regardless of truthiness and (b) a guy who hasn't done his pre-interview research.

It's all about being a person that other people want to spend time with

Consider:  Everyone needs to eat dinner, and almost everyone needs to work. 

So why is it that some people stay home, eating alone every night, while others have invitations to dinner coming out their ears? And why do some people leap from fantastic job to fantastic job, while others are un- or under-employed?

The answer is simple:  Good dinner party guests, like good candidates, are the sort of people that other people want to spend time with.  In other words, it's all about ensuring that the answer to questions like "Would I want to spend 5 hours at a party with this person?" and "Would I want to spend 8 hours a day working with this person?" is a resounding "Yes!"

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Paul Dodd
Co-founder and President
Head2Head Canada

Paul has one simple goal: To help companies hire great people - and get the most out of every recruiting dollar they spend. That's why he's recognized as one of the best recruitment-industry thinkers in Canada.

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